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About Deviant Dan39/Male/United States Group :icondetachedpeople: DetachedPeople
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I had a weird lump in my left breast, and it's not actually cancer. :D I like that. Today, I got ice cream and cake, and the leftovers are going to some neighbor kids. I got to have a little cake and make some kid's day! :D And, yanno, I'm not dying of cancer.
Right, been double-tagged. Now, I realize it's a bit hypocritical of me to deny outright an irritating tag thing when I would absolutely answer the questions from it. :iconevil-frank: and :iconmawnoos: tagged me and... I'll just answer the questions. I won't accept the rules. It's not like I signed a contract or anything.

So... from :iconmawnoos:
1: How awesome are you?
Between 7/8ths and 5/3rds, depending on the day and current opportunities.

2: What fascinates you?
Quite a lot; Mostly learning things that open up new possibilities. And when I get someone else to have an "ah-hah" moment.

Also, when couples do a "couple thing". Like picking up an argument from last week, or finish one another's sentences, or share a glance and smile as they remember a good time. It gives me the same feeling as holding a kitten.

3: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
They weigh 8.6 lbs as an adult. So I'm going to guess their caber toss limit is under 10 lbs. 2 lbs might be pushing it, if they don't have a good strategy.

4: Where will you be in 5 billion years?
Almost certainly dead. Unless I'm quite fortunate to survive, in which case I'd have to be on another planet (this one would be et by the sun by then) and I'd be trying to figure out how to fit my new bank card into the new reader because technology always finds a way to progressively grow more annoying.

5: How was your day today?

Tolerable. I slept a lot, chatted with friends who are vacationing out of state, and played a chunk of Far Cry Primal. It crashed on me in a recent mission, so I'm doing this now. :D

6: What is the answer to everything, the Universe, and life? Not the other way around. 

24

7: What is your favourite type of landscape?

Anything I'm flying over in a video game. (Because the real thing makes me a bit nauseated, claustrophobic, and I crash a lot in games where it's less of a problem)

8: If you had a tame dragon for a pet, what would you do?

How big, and how smart? Because if he's smarter than me, I'm probably the pet. Otherwise... I dunno... arrange a comfortable, non-flammable nest? Take him/her on walks in the park, to freak out other pet owners? If it's big and flies, probably find out how to travel to visit friends... and worry constantly about feed costs for what amounts to a fighter jet.

9: Is this the real life?

I'm pretty sure it's a real life. It's a bad risk to treat it as anything else.

10: Is this just fantasy?

Check your genre. There's no magic, no faeries... we're clearly modern and nonfiction.

11: Is there anything that you are working on?

Outside of videogames? Applying for disability... and I have a couple groups helping me figure out WTF I can do and should work towards.

12: What is your favourite meal?

It varies. The important thing is quality. I mean, "pizza" technically includes the barely edible crap from totinos. I guess the perfect meal would involve a little shrimp tempura, a steak sandwich on really good wheat... and some buttered corn.

13: In a small town, every man must be shaven, and the barber will shave all those who cannot shave themselves. Who shaves the barber?
I know this is a set theory thing, but if he shaves himself, that's in addition to the folks who can't shave themselves. And it's not like humans can only fit in one category.

:iconevil-frank: asks:

1. What is... your name?
Dan

2. What is... your quest?
My current main quest is figuring out what the hell I'm doing in life. Which isn't working. I'm just grinding side quests until I stumble across whatever hint I missed.

3. What is... the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Google pegs this at 24 mph.

4. Would you rather fight 1 kangaroo sized duck, or 100 duck sized kangaroos? 
Who is the bastard with these bizarre attack animals? A duck the size of a kangaroo would be kinda like an emu. Far Cry has taught me that they'd kill me. A hundred tiny kangaroos is a bit like being mobbed by squirrels who can't climb, but have frightfully powerful rear legs. I guess the latter, because I could probably crush them by rolling over them, but... ugh. I'm worried it'd be like losing to Squirrel Girl.

5. Have you ever invented something that actually worked?
Not lately. I've totally had some stopgap solutions in college that didn't totally suck. Like getting everybody on my floor to deal with a one-inch gap between the screen and the window... with duct tape. >_<

6. What song is currently stuck in your head?
None.

7. Watch this
. Now what song is stuck in your head?
Still none.

8. Now that's over with, do you have any exciting plans for your watchers this year that you can reveal any details about?
Nah. Wish I did.

9. Light side or Dark side?
I hate binary "morality" systems like the Jedi. Both are pretty damn big on evil. I mean, if it had ever occurred to Obi-Wan to maybe not let his mum die in slavery... hey! Maybe he wouldn't have fallen? Honestly, the light side has been really consistently useless. I can't see myself following either one because I possess an iota of common sense.

10. Pick up the first book you see, open to page 13 and read the 13th sentence on the page. What was it?
Nah, that came up with a boring sentence not worth typing.

11. Do you think we are alone in the universe?
Unless we figure out a good way to deal with how mind-blowingly HUGE space really is, I think every species in the cosmos is pretty fucking alone.

12. Is magic real?
No. But... we're getting kinda close to having holodecks! :D

13. If you had a time machine, when and where would you go?

I'd jump ahead a fair distance, bring back a ton of science, and one lottery #. The medical knowledge I'd bring back would save a ton of suffering, and I'd have patents for a lot of very profitable toys. I'd also be able to make enough "campaign contributions" to make the country stop sucking... until I got assassinated. Guess I should leave my past self a note to pick up in the future about what attempts are made on my life... >:)

Other than saving the present, I guess I'd do fun things in the future. I mean, that's where the cool technology is going to live. Functional holodeck, direct neural interface... I could spend quite a lot of time living in a fantasy world where life is good, a loved one with traits conforming to my fetishes exists... and... I don't know what else. I'd be weeping tears of joy with just that much.


No, I'm not tagging anyone. That's fine.

As you've probably noticed... I haven't done much lately.

If you weren't aware, I have severe depression among other issues, and while I'm trying to find a med that works... I'm not having a lot of luck. So far, prozac made me suicidal. Lexapro worked, but I was ridiculously lethargic. Effexor, I tried 3 doses. So I could choose between depressed, anxiety attacks... or both! Cymbalta, surprisingly, has me feeling in touch with my emotions... which helps, but it kinda sucks. On the bright side, I was able to detect my migraine a lot easier because it was painful. Mine respond very well to OTC stuff, but I have to spot them, and it usually just feels like really bad depression... that gets worse in light and better in the dark.

No job, but I'm working with Vocational Rehabilitation and a recovery group to try to figure out what the hell my options are. I can't allow myself to fall into a job that can ruin my day every day. I won't lie or harm others for gain. Weirdly, for accommodating someone with a disability... I could potentially include "don't make me lie" and have that made a serious requirement for the job.

Haven't been working on manips... honestly, I don't feel fabulous about myself when I work on them. The times I've been most productive, I've been halfway out of my mind with depression. Like, no hope in the future, just doing something to make for wanking and... :\ I have a lot less motivation to make them, and it's really hard to focus on GIMP for the 45-60 minutes needed, unless I'm motivated. ^^;

Sometimes, I'm just making snarky comments on imgur. That's something I can do, even on a bad day, because I just look at a picture and read comments until I'm tired of it and go on to another one. Played a few hidden-object games as a result of the steam sale. ^^; I can still enjoy a good computer game, but it's hard as hell to get started after hitting a point where I just... don't care about anything.

Still, I'm surviving. Managed to do some exercise yesterday. Visited the grocery store today. Granted, towards the end, I was standing in the frozen food section concentrating on remaining conscious. I think my headache meds were wearing off, and I was getting tired. After a bit, I came back to myself, rounded the corner for a pizza, and got the frell out.

So... yeah, trip to the grocery store just about kicks my ass. ^^; I don't feel so bad about not managing a number of more difficult achievements.
Not the most upbeat of status updates, but it's the important bit. Last antidepressant I was on had me constantly drowsy, and the current one... at one dosage, I was quite depressed... the increase gave me a lot of anxiety attacks. So now we're seeing what a dose between those does.

Not the greatest of circumstances for... uh... any of my usual activities. I did play a lot of Skyforge. It's got a lot going for it, except the scaling and progression could use some serious tweaking... it's also got a couple weirdly... not so much pay to win... closer to buying xp. Biggest negative... they honestly expect you to replay all the content a LOT. And there's very little that isn't "kill it". The plot's not awful, although the translation (and direction and voice acting) has some limits. And unlocking your god form involves beating the divinity out of a 50' death god to go super saiyan... and finish him off as... a 12' version of yourself. Mind... he's still 50'. That was suitably epic.

Switching to Wildstar, as it's doing a free-to-play conversion in a handful of days. I was in the beta. Surprisingly, the game remembers this, and I got a nice costume and lowbie mount... a hoverboard that wouldn't be out of place on the set of back to the future.

And that was kind of the nail in the coffin for skyforge for me. I played some Wildstar. I was farting around jumping up the side of a mountain, collecting anti-gravity crystals... supercharging the antigrav effect with the power of SCIENCE... which just made nabbing the 5x ones a smidge easier. Then a Settler player built a shop, and one of the npcs in there had a quest to try out a rail-gun firing anti-grav crystals at the lighter bad guys... and... they just went uuuuuuuup. XD I hop over to Skyforge and chat with my guild and... I just look at the mission screen going "fuuuuuck. I'm sick of most of these, and I just... I don't care anymore." So I went back to Wildstar and tracked down some datacubes and found out my science bot can make a few plants in this one area spit fire... so I could start a fight, stand on one side of the bush... and... yeah, that's a nice bit of variety.

Otherwise... re-appying for disability, as the initial letter of rejection missed us... and thus, the window of opportunity to appeal. Also found a group workshop at the mental health place to try and help me work out what I can do, and what to realistically try for. Gods, I wish I could just handle a regular job like a normal fellow. Managing my depression to just stay alive is a job and a half. If I'm short on rest, I'm emotionally vulnerable... but with the sleep apnea, I tend to sleep a lot. I have a CPAP, but it tends to fill me with air unless I get my pillows precisely right. And gas... that much internal pressure and my back hurts, I feel wretched... it's not good. And that's not even considering what stress does to me. Had to see a reminder of... well, nevermind what my trigger is, but I was on 4 hours sleep. After my appointment, I went home and slept about 18 hours. Those doing the math can probably see where this leaves me a little screwed.

But I'm surviving. Not exactly thriving. But I still keep up with friends and family. I talk to a lot of strange people on the internet to convince them that some of us do know what they're going through... and that there's hope. Doesn't make it not suck, but... for me, hope is how I stay alive. It's the club I use to beat my demons. I'm alive, and as long as I keep fighting, I'm helping people. And if/when I ever get the right med and dosage figured out, the fighting gets easier, and I can do more things.

Hope all of you are having an easier time of it than I am. ^_^ Then, yanno... I don't have to worry about you. :D
I had a weird lump in my left breast, and it's not actually cancer. :D I like that. Today, I got ice cream and cake, and the leftovers are going to some neighbor kids. I got to have a little cake and make some kid's day! :D And, yanno, I'm not dying of cancer.

deviantID

DannyboyO1
Dan
United States
Current Residence: Cedar Rapids, IA, USA
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:iconevil-frank:
Evil-Frank Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the Olympic fave!
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:iconlitdstudios:
LITDStudios Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2016  Student General Artist
Happy birthday!!! :hug: :cake:
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:icondannyboyo1:
DannyboyO1 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2016
It is! :D
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:iconlitdstudios:
LITDStudios Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2016  Student General Artist
Glad to hear! :)
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:iconbetapunkdrawings:
BetaPunkDrawings Featured By Owner May 18, 2016   General Artist
thanks for watching us
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:icondannyboyo1:
DannyboyO1 Featured By Owner May 18, 2016
NP. I found ya from spoopy house. Figured any future awesomes would appear here. :D
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:iconbetapunkdrawings:
BetaPunkDrawings Featured By Owner May 19, 2016   General Artist
Really that's awesome.  Thanks again
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:iconspite-sire:
Spite-Sire Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2016
Thanks for the llama. ;p :peace:
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:iconnatephoenix:
Natephoenix Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Howdy!  Thanks for the DevWatch, it's much appreciated :)
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:icontanziegoesrawr:
TanzieGoesRawr Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I was inactive at the time...
But thank you soo much for all the comments on my work!! I really appreciate it c: <3
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